She Was a Boy I Knew
by GallowsTyphoon
Summary: Growing up sucks. Growing up in the wrong body is hell. (AU, transgender, bullying and JohnDave)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is kind of short and stupid. I wanted to write something trans related so have something fluffy. I may expand on this later, but if I do it will not remain fluffy and will probably be based on my own experiences as a trans* individual. This is probably really bad and probably won't convey my feelings about being trans* like I'd hoped, but I'm going ahead an posting this. I'm open to critique as always. I enjoy reviews but please be warned that Please be polite and if you have a problem with trans* related anything, kindly direct yourself away from the internet and society all together. - Tom.**

* * *

Dave Strider sat in his room. The package had arrived before Bro got home. That was good. He couldn't afford to have Bro discover what was in that box. Bro would probably beat the shit out of him if he knew. Dave was probably a freak for buying it, but he just couldn't resist the impulse. He waited until Bro was in bed, spending the time between getting home with the package and then on pesterchum with his best friend, John.

**TG: man why did i even buy this stupid thing?**

**EB: what the hell are you talking about**

**TG: about a week ago i bought an outfit online**

**TG: its so stupid**

**EB: you bought clothes? i wanna see!**

**EB: i bet you'll look cool**

**EB: you always do :B**

**TG: no way this shit is stupid**

**TG: i'm throwing it out**

**EB: pleeeeeeeease dave?**

**TG: ...fine**

Dave cut the tape holding the box closed and removed the plastic wrapped clothes and shoe box inside. He'd bought an entire outfit online, wasting a large portion of what money he had on them. He stood in front of his mirror while he dress himself. The dress had a round neckline that didn't go too far down. The ribbon around the waist separated the white top from the peachy skirt. It was made of a light material that fell around his body, masking his male figure and making it seem softer. The skirt fell just above his knees and the sleeves just above his elbows. It fluttered when he moved as he removed his shades and fixed the headband that came with it into his hair. The bow that was off-center a little to the right matched the bow on the ribbon at his waist. He put on the white tights and the new white converse he'd bought to go with them. He liked the idea of sneakers with dresses. He thought it was cute.

He tried not to think that it looked weird on him and moved back to his computer.

**EB: dave?**

He'd taken a bit long to get the clothes on. He turned his webcam on.

**TG: please don't think i'm a freak for this**

Dave could see the look of silent shock on John's face when he saw Dave's outfit. Surely he thought it was weird. John would probably not want to be around him anymore.

**EB: stand up and turn around**

**EB: it's hard to see with you just sitting there**

He did as John said. Dave stood up and did a slow twirl that sent the skirt of the dress fluttering about his legs. He stopped and rubbed his arm, waiting and watching John's expression. Dave could just see John smile as he disconnected from the chat. He was a little hurt. Had he only thought John smiled? That was it. He really did think Dave was a freak.

His phone ringing actually scared him. He was nervous to see John's name illuminated on the screen.

"H-hello?" his voice cracked a little when he answered.

"Dave, I had no idea you liked things like that. You're really cute!" John sounded like his usual happy self.

He found himself blushing. "I'm not really that cute..."

"No, really! You are!" John assured him. "I can't believe you said it was stupid. It looks great."

"Well, it is stupid. I wish I could just be normal."

There was a pause, but then John spoke softly, "But you are normal, Dave. You're you."

Dave was flustered. His stomach was doing flips and he wasn't sure what to say next. He'd liked John for ages and this was certainly not helping. He was going to just let it go. John wasn't into him, there's no way that he was, but Dave had a hard time of it.

"Dave...?"

"Dana..."

"What?" John's voice sounded even cuter to Dave when he was confused. He could see the look on his face clearly in his head.

"Could you... c-call me Dana?" His face heated up and his free hand played with the hem of the dress.

John hesitated. He'd never really thought Dave would have these kinds of issues and he didn't really understand them. He smiled. He wasn't going to let it ruin their friendship. He thought for a minute. "You know... if something's bugging you, you can talk to me about it. You know I won't judge you."

Dave bit his lip. "I've been thinking about it for a while... I tried to be normal for Bro, but it feels like I'm lying to myself." John listened to every word. "John, I don't... feel like a boy."

"You feel like a girl?" Dave replied a soft 'yes'. "Dana," the use of his preferred name sent his stomach flipping, "you're a really special girl to me. Don't forget that."

His heart was beating so fast. He went to his mirror again, looking himself over. For once, he could see past his large shoulders and hands, straight hips, flat chest and angular face. For once, he could see past the boy he was born as to the girl he saw himself as. He could finally stop forcing herself to be a boy.

Finally, she could be herself. Even if she only had John's approval, she wouldn't feel bad about it. Dana didn't need her bro's approval. She'd warm him up to the idea and let it be a gradual transition, but she wouldn't let him stop her from being who she wanted to be.

"John, you cute dork. You really are the best."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Every time I try to write something with angst it turns cute, whoops. I'm so used to drawing that writing is weird. - Tom.**

* * *

Dana Strider stood in her room. She'd just gotten off the phone with her dear friend John. Her heart was fluttering and she felt so happy. She rarely felt so good about herself so she decided it would be a good time to take pictures. She stood in front of her full length mirror and took a few serious beauty shots and then a few silly and ironic ones, just for fun. She was clicking through the photos she'd just taken when her door opened.

Everything froze the second her brother laid eyes on her. He pulled his shades down as if it would somehow change what he was seeing. The camera slipped between her fingers and fell to her lap and slid to the floor with a quiet thump. The stunned silence seemed to stretch on for ages before Bro Strider turned and shut the door. Dana stared at the door, too terrified to move. She heard his heavy foot steps, jangling truck keys and the final sound of the front door slamming closed. Once silence had settled over the apartment again, the tears finally fell from her eyes.

She was scared. She was _so _scared. Hands shaking, she reached for her phone and called John. Dana almost couldn't speak through her sobs, and she didn't really need to. As soon as John heard her, he rushed to leave his own house. John lived close, in the suburban residential area outside of the city. He was there in no less than twenty, maybe thirty, minutes. He knocked frantically, not caring that it was late. Dana rushed to the door and pulled him inside as fast as she could.

The only thing on John's mind at that moment was comforting the sobbing girl before him. It was rare to see his dear friend in such distress. John had only seen her so troubled once before, when Bro had been in a mild car accident. He reached forward and wrapped his arms around her. He was little shorter than Dana but he didn't let it stop him. Dana wrapped her arms around his middle and cried into his shoulder. John had no idea what else to do, so he simply rubbed her back and stroked her hair until she calmed down enough to talk.

John took her over to the couch. When he sat down, she curled up with her head in his lap. He was a little embarrassed, but he didn't dare move. When Dana spoke, it was with a hoarse and quiet voice, "I could even hear his foot steps. You can never hear him walking through the apartment even if he's right behind you." She clutched the loose denim of his jeans. He offered the hand that wasn't still stroking her hair. She gladly took it. "He looked almost scared before he left my room..."

John bit his lip. "Maybe he's just shocked? I mean, you've pretty much been his ideal little brother this whole time and then suddenly he goes to find you looking absolutely adorable," his voice cracked a little at the end of his sentence.

"He was angry... I could feel it."

"S-sorry..." He turned his head to the side. "I'll stay here until he gets back."

"What?" Dana turned to look at him.

"I don't want you to have to face it alone." He gripped her hand gently. "I'll help you talk to your bro, and if you need to, Dad won't mind you staying over for a while."

"John, I couldn't ask you to do that for me."

He smiled at her, "Well too bad. I'm going to."

Tears once again welled up in her eyes. She quickly tried to wipe them away. "God, why am I fucking crying so much? I'm so stupid."

"Dana, you aren't stupid."

"Yes, I am. If I hadn't bought this stupid dress, he wouldn't have seen it and this wouldn't be happening."

"Well, you know what?" John challenged.

"What?"

"I'm glad you bought it." Dana's expression spoke the 'why' she was too stunned to actually ask. "Because if you hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to see the prettiest girl ever."

John flushed red as soon as he'd said it, ruining the moment a little. Dana sat there, stunned once again. They both turned away from the other.

"I'm not that pretty..."

John started to reply but Dana didn't let him get a word in. "What am I even gonna tell him? 'Oh, welcome back, Bro, I'm a girl and have been this whole time and your constant pressure on me to be the perfect bro has caused me years of issues'? I don't think so."

"How am I supposed to know what to say?" John gave Dana the look of a distressed puppy. Dana's heart did another little flutter.

"God, you're such a dork." She hugged him tight and rested her head on his shoulder. "Just having you here makes me feel better."

* * *

It was an unholy hour of the early morning, still dark, when Bro Strider returned home. He wasn't looking forward to it, but he guessed he'd have to come back sometime and talk to the kid. He made his way slowly up the stair case, not wanting to wait for the damn elevator. He also may have aided his procrastination by taking his time on the stairs. He had been drinking while he was out, though not enough to get drunk. He was still in nothing but a tank top and the jeans that he'd hastily threw on and his trademark shades had been cracked at some point on this adventure.

He didn't try to mask the sounds of his movement when he came back in the apartment and kicked his shoes off. He walked into the living room to find Dana and John sitting together on the couch. John was sitting up, watching him and waiting, while Dana had hidden her face in his back. John took one of her hands that had gripped his shoulders and directed her out of hiding behind him.

"Come on, you both need to talk about this."

Bro couldn't handle it. He walked around the table over to his little sibling. He sank to a sitting position on the couch. Dana was in the middle with no way to hide behind John, she gripped his hand tighter. Bro pulled her to him and held like he did when she was little. They stayed silent for a while.

"Why?" Bro asked.

"E-excuse...?" Dana started.

"Why did it have to be you?" Bro's voice was unstable. It shocked Dana more than seeing him earlier, more than hearing his rushed and angry footsteps as he left. "I'd always suspected it, even when you were little, but I never wanted to believe it."

Dana touched his arm, "We can't help what we're born with, I guess..."

"I know that all _too_ well." He reached up and ran his hand down his face. "But it's different. People might not like gays that much, but they know what it is. Your case is a lot scarier."

"What do you mean, Mr. Strider?" John asked.

"Don't call me 'Mr.', I'm not that old yet. Just call me Bro," he corrected John's polite speech. "You're transgender. I understand it. I've researched it ever since I suspected something was up. But not a lot of people get what it is. They don't understand it, so they fear it even more. If this were like, 40 years ago, they'd put you through shock therapy and some other freaky shit." Dana tensed up a bit. "I was hoping with all I had that it was just some weird phase you'd have and grow out of it, but I guess you never did. Gotta say, you did a pretty good job of hiding it."

"I was afraid of what you'd think..."

"I shouldn't have been so tough on you. I should've just faced it back then." They were all silent for a few minutes. "So, what am I supposed to call you now, little lady?"

Dana didn't quite know what to say.

"Well, I originally named you 'David Micheal' since I thought I was naming a boy, but apparently I was wrong."

"Dana... Dana Michelle."

He gave a half-assed laugh. "Cute."

Dana shifted her feet. She had no idea what to say. Bro probably didn't either and John definitely didn't. John was being a big help anyways, she felt a lot better being able to have her hand in his like this.

"So what next? Transitioning, therapy? Do you even want to change your body? Not everyone does." Bro was throwing around anything he could think of at this point. He wasn't sure where to go. He wished that they could all rewind to the days when Dana was still little.

"I'd like to... actually..." Dana flushed red and hid her face in the crook of Bro's elbow. "I want to be cute... I wish I was smaller and thinner. I wish my hands and shoulders weren't so big." John squeezed her hand.

"Well, then I guess I should help you find a good therapist. They'll help you walk in the right direction. I won't be a whole lot of help."

* * *

She woke up the next morning with the usual feelings of 'ugh'. There isn't really a word for it. Just 'ugh'. Dana shut off the alarm and looked at her phone. She had decided that she wouldn't hide it. Rose and Jade were helping her replace all of her boy clothes with cuter clothes. It made her really happy but she was really scared of how her transition would be received at school. They lived in Texas, not a very trans-friendly area.

She was really scared. Her phone rang, Rose more than likely, attempting to remind her that she made a promise and that she should keep it. Dana groaned and pulled the covers back over her head. Her phone chimed with the missed call. It rang again, with a different ringtone. A specific ring tone that made her peek out from under the covers.

"Hello?"

"_Rose tells me that you're too scared to leave so I'm coming to get you._" John, obviously.

"How does she even know that?"

"_She's psychic or something. Apparently she deduced it from you not answering your phone._"

"Freaking psychic."

"_Anyway, get dressed. We can get some food before we head to school._"

She agreed to that. She decided to wear the same outfit from the previous night since she'd not had it on long. It was still pretty fresh, but she'd still borrow a spritz of Rose's perfume. While fixing the headband, she looked at her hair. Ugh. She wanted it to grow out quickly so she could do something with it. She wasn't sure what she'd do with it yet, but she wanted it to grow so she could at least hide some of her face angles. Yuck.

She was getting her backpack ready when John knocked on the door. Bro walked by, mid-yawn with a coffee cup in his hand.

"I'd really rather you took it slower."

"All or nothing, Bro."

"Then why don't you be a woman and ask that kid out already?"

Dana flushed red, rushed out the door and half dragged John to the elevator with her. She'd rather face the assholes at school than deal with Bro's taunts. Bro was aware the she'd liked John pretty much forever. What's even worse is that Bro tried to drop hints that he approved of them.

"What's the rush?" John asked, slightly dizzy from the rush to get into the elevator.

"Bro."

John gave a little 'ah' of understanding. On the next floor down, the elevator stopped. So did Dana's heart. She knew they should've taken the stairs. She really didn't want to run into anyone in the building. It was bad enough that they all knew her brother as the weird guy in room 431, but now they were going to know her as the weirdo's even weirder little sibling. She tried to act casual as John stepped closer to her to make room for the few people coming in. Dana avoided eye contact.

The awkward elevator ride couldn't end soon enough. John and Dana made their way to John's car. He'd had to work for that car, so it wasn't the best in the world but it would get them where they needed to go. They met the girls and Dana's favorite café. She loved their breakfast parfaits and would occasionally stop to get one on the way to school. With their food and drink, they all headed to the school. Dana was in no way ready for it.

"The door to hell awaits you, my lady," said Rose with a bow as they all simultaneously exited their vehicles.

"Uggggh," she groaned.

Jade took Dana's arm. "Don't worry, we all hate it too. But at least we all have the same schedules!"

She groaned the whole trip to the front doors. She ignored the looks she got outside. She ignored the looks she got walking down the hall. But she couldn't ignore the laughter and the sharp shove to the shoulder when she walked into first period. She refused to ignore the fact that the teacher promptly turned to her computer instead of addressing the situation.

Dana sat in her desk and groaned again. Fuck school.


End file.
